1. After being asked, on a particularly intemperate mid-August day, about the state of the Alabama quarterback battle between Tua Tagovailoa and Jalen Hurts, Nick Saban brandishes a Coca-Cola bottle and declares it to be his starter in the season-opener against Louisville. The Coca-Cola bottle subsequently calls a press conference in which it states (through a translator) that it is transferring to Georgia Tech to be closer to its family. Saban starts Tagovailoa, who completes 18-of-24 passes for 291 yards and three touchdowns in Alabama’s 39-10 victory over Louisville.
2. With Michigan trailing Notre Dame 21-18 and facing a 4th-and-3 at the Notre Dame 32-yard line late in the fourth quarter, Jim Harbaugh calls for a play referred to as “Spongebob.” Quarterback Shea Patterson takes a shotgun snap, does a backflip, shouts some nonsense at a perplexed defensive end, scrambles until he hyperventilates, and then hurls a pass that angles off two defenders’ helmets and the belt buckle of a side judge before landing in the hands of wide receiver Donovan Peoples-Jones for the game-winning touchdown.
3. In Week 2, Michigan State beats Arizona State 45-9, prompting ASU coach Herm Edwards to deliver a fiery postgame lecture about the potential of Bitcoin technology.
4. After his Florida Atlantic team upsets Oklahoma, starts the season 3-0 and puts up an average of 46 points per game, Lane Kiffin denies rumors that he will become the head coach of the Canadian Football League’s Saskatchewan Roughriders.
5. A Tennessee man blames repeated viewings of the Imagine Dragons’ song “Natural” during college football broadcasts for brainwashing him into purchasing a nearby Chick-fil-A franchise.